The Art of War

Wednesday, 12:30am

Angie: I would invite you to play cards but you are too fucking competitive

Me: OMG, why do you say that

Angie: um, honey, I love you but you are competitive about games and cards and shit and we let Zack play with us and help him

Angie: and you'd be like "oh no, mother fuckers, I can take out the 6 year old"

Me: ROFLMAO ok, I'm fucking tickled

Angie: yeah, cuz you can see yourself having that exact thought bubble

Gay Trek: The Next Generation

12/05/06 Dover Mall, Sears 5:15pm

Coming out of the Sears Automotive Dept. I saw a mother with a tissue standing with her son.

Mother: Ok, now blow. Come on blow harder! Come on, it's never going to shoot out if you keep stopping, now blow!


Ah, even at a young age, a mother is passing down her wisdom to her son.

I guess the Price was Right

I was watching the Price Is Right today on television for the first time in umpteen years. The contestant was a girl named Ashley from Long Island, NY. Ashley is a Journalism major. What captivated me about Ashley, was not her looks, her name, or where she was from. It was her shirt that said, "BOB BARKER IS GORGES." Gorges?????? Curious, I decided to look up the word and here's what I found:

Main Entry: ^1gorge
Pronunciation: 'gorj
Function: noun
Etymology:Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin gurga, alteration of gurges, from Latin, whirlpool
1: Throat -- often used with rise to indicate revulsion accompanied by a sensation of constriction
2 a: a hawk's crop b: STOMACH, BELLY
3: the entrance into an outwork (as a bastion) of a fort
4: a narrow passage through land; especially: a narrow steep-walled canyon or part of a canyon
5: a primitive device used instead of a fishhook that consists of an object (as a piece of bone attached in the middle of a line) easy to swallow but difficult to eject
6: a mass choking a passage
7: the line on the front of a coat or jacket formed by the crease of the lapel and collar*

Who knew two missing letters could say so much??????
Merriam-Webster Online

Cute guy shocked me.....

Cute boy shockedme. Cute boy with the blonde highlights in the white t-shirt, brown shorts with the white racing stripe down the side shocked me. It took me about two minutes after the initial shock to realize that cute boy was not speaking some foreign language but ENGLISH.

"What did you say?"

"Are you reading A Confederacy of Dunces?"

"Yeah, I'm just beginning it." (The treadmill that I was on kicked it up a notch at that moment causing me to stumble........grace, thy name is John)

"It's one of my all time favorite books."

"Kewl!"

"It's just so satirical and intrinsic."

"Kewl." (Note to self, learn other words!)

"Well, I just saw you reading it and wanted to see how you liked it."

"That's kewl." (FOR CHRIST SAKE AT LEAST GET A FREAKING THESAURUS FOR OTHER WORDS TO REPLACE KEWL)

Cute boy left and began running on the treadmill. I looked at the three books in front of me. I picked up the book he was talking about and quickly returned it to the holder. I couldn't read it now cause it would look like I'm only reading it cause he had mentioned it. Dammit, cute boy shocked me~!

My Guy, My Guy, My Guy, Talking bout...Myyyyy Guyyyyy.

Me and my friend Catarina went to the Harrington Slots last night. On the trip over we kept noticing hot guys all along the way. It seemed to be boys in tight jeans with wife beaters and tattoos night. We were LOVING IT!

Everywhere we seemed to stop guys seemed to swarm. It was eye candy night, and we were window shopping. Me being in my usual amorous nature, could barely control myself. After several leers, jeers and impromptu braking, we finally made it to the slots.

We walked in the door and immediately came face to face with a 5'12, white, bone-thin, secuirty guard wearing tan trousers and a green button up shirt. His top front teeth seemed to just hang over his bottom lip. He was geeky/goofy looking and totally not my type. Before the door even shut from our entrance, he shouted very loudly, "I'M YOUR GUY!"

My friend Catarina immediately turned to me and said, "There you go!"